Monday, June 22, 2009

Shoot Them Hazardous Big Birds Perching On Billboards

Buwayahman, thank you for pointing a stream of unsuspecting bloghoppers my way, also for sharing my amused incredulity over Bench’s Bleak Is Back campaign, but most importantly for sharing this link, which, after reading it makes me feel good about living in a country where a hard working (pun semi intended) Public Works Secretary selflessly multitask as an MTRCB vigilante, a quack bishop, an urban traffic specialist, a cognitive behavior authority, an ethical guardian and alert defender of humanity’s crusade against hormonal urges. No words can convey my deep admiration to Secretary Ebdane that in order to compensate on this inadequacy I seek inspiration at

I am sure Public Works Secretary Hermogenes Ebdane is a fine, God-fearing, conscientious public official who took it upon himself to protect us from our irresponsible ways such as possibly enjoying a crotch shot of Marc Nelson in barely-there briefs too much. Though I will say that Dingdong Dantes as a celestial figure with brushed on tan and airbrushed crotch is a hilarious proposition I must say that to some people it represents a wish Santa will be too cranky to grant come Christmas. In the economics-fueled mind of Ben Chan, this makes a lot of sense. The more people see Dingdong’s dong the more the Bench cash register dings.

“Seriously,” David Sedaris once remarked in one of his public talks when he visited Manila. “There is an actual person named Dingdong?”

Which triggers a semi-philosophical question: What kind of mother would allow her daughter to go to the prom with a guy named Ding Dong without getting alarmed or cracking up?

Would you date a guy named Ding Dong?

But I am digressing.

Much as I might admire the dedicated valiance of Public Works Secretary Hermogenes Ebdane, I will go on record to say that I am conflicted: if there should be a moral standard prohibiting everything obscene then how come our fine secretary is not making much of a ruckus over being publicly plied with Boy Abunda’s nostrils? Is Abunda's flaming nostrils considered Obscene Lite compared to, say, Rafael Rosell's equally flaming bulge? Which is more sinful? Kris Aquino selling products she doesn't patronize or Katrina Halili's cleavage in yet another Bench outdoor tease?

Shouldn’t a mere mention of Boy Abunda and billboard under the same breath a violation of human rights?

But before you, moralists out there take your machetes out allow me to meditate on that Inquirer piece.

Ebdane has ordered billboard owners to remove the “sexy” ads, saying they distract and slow down motorists, including him.

“They themselves know that some of these billboards are sexually suggestive. They (outdoor advertisers) should voluntarily remove these billboards,” he said.

Sexually suggestive? When our very beloved and outspoken president once said her sex life “IS healthy” during on-air interview no one took issue even if that banter of a statement ripped across our collective consciousness and possibly would be a basis of the rise in classified enrollment in a private academy training emotionally scarred assassins. The entire legislative body going all worked up because some beauty surgeon videotaped his exploits broadcasted during evening news where school kids are given assignments to watch for the next day’s news report in class. What is that then, sexually subtle?

He claimed that sexy advertisements contribute to the worsening of the traffic situation in Metro Manila, already one of the worst in Asia.

Yes, let’s blame the billboards and leave MMDA and corrupt traffic enforcers blameless.

Ebdane noted that these billboards make motorists lose their focus on the road.

We can remedy this. Only Jesus Saves! billboard will be allowed and people would rather stare on asphalt ahead.

DPWH Director for Planning Service Melvin Navarro said that for drivers, a split-second look at the billboards could lead to an accident.

Indeed. While we're at it let’s have Mr. Navarro’s cranium scanned for permanent damage.


bilbilboardking said...

Ebdane's mouth says: Take them down! His mind really desires: Take them off!

E said...

old, sexually deprived, insecure-ugly ass-Ebdane! Stupid, just stupid!

Yodz said...

hmmm, typical politicians, will ride any chance of publicity even if it shows their stupidity. Damn them.

The Capitalist Panda said...

As Vicki Belo said:"And I'd like to say, if you want to look like Boy Abunda, then go to Calayan. But if you like to look like Dingdong Dantes and Piolo Pascual, come to Belo."

Yes, Boy Abunda and Plastic Surgery is obscene, I bet Ebdane just got a flaming hard-on looking at JR's crotch and got distracted while driving along EDSA. :P

some.male.bee said...

it would be interesting though if it were you who's on those billboards, displaying your big


Anonymous said...

hi... just dropping by!

Tey said...

Sometimes malicious acts comes from malicious mind. Just politicians who are trying to get attention... Hello kaibigan, it's been a while
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ian said...

hey. where you at? no reply to sms and ym msgs... can i help?

loudcloud said...

hello ian! i was clawing my way through a lot of priorities and i moved. details will be blogged very soon. (i hope)

thanks for the concern and i was decidedly incommunicado these past few months. will be back to normal programming very soon. i think.

MisterHeuge said...

We, the people, demand a new post. =)