Saturday, October 3, 2009

Redemption Schlong

Ditching a blogging habit was not what I intended but somehow slid off to. I never knew the put down review of a book “Once you’ve put it down, it’s difficult to pick it up again” would take resonance in this case. Then I happen to have feisty online friends like Doc Ian and Misterheuge who do not understand the concept of leaving people at peace. They needled me to post something, in alternating degrees of coercion, witty tirades and mild threats. Though I have been debating for weeks whether to finally kick the non-update lapse by posting alternative point of view on indie mavericks’ Altarejos+Bonife recent effort, Little Boy Big Boy. I must say the urge to kick start a blog resurrection wasn’t as tantalizing enough as creating a Manjam account or combing Burgos street for cleavage and tease. I will definitely write an overdue post about Little Boy Big Boy soon. However, the movie that salvaged me from blog coma stars what I thought was the worthy torch bearer of Ice Cube’s acting in Anaconda.

Bayaw (pronounced bah-yao, meaning Brother-In-Law) is the movie, and just the sound of the word is enough to make me erupt into hearty snickers. Mention the word in breathy utterances and you’d have Seiko Films materials complete with Kenny G soundtrack, bad fashion and campy dialogues. Naturally these things appeal to me and, as you already know reading my past entries, I have the fixation for absurdity.

Then I got the revelation of my life. Janvier Daily can act! This is the kind of thing you get when you sign up for volunteer work thinking you’d be toiling with Falcon or Bel Ami hopefuls only to find out they can be conversant on Sartre, Freud or Newton and can make Jeff Koons and Kurt Andersen look like lumbering amateurs. Hyperbole? Sure. If you want safe blandness go memorize Apples Aberin’s fashion critiques at Project Runway Season Two. (I wonder why her name is not hyphenated anymore. Whatever happened to Sadhwani?)

Bayaw, (insert snicker here) is a fun flick. The movie poster of Janvier reminds me of the shivering wreck in Trainspotting plus a cigarette and a scowl. The story revolves around the in-laws on the run. It is a curiously working jumble of the Thai film Bangkok Love Story, the French flick Base Moi which is carnage and sex maturity of Thelma and Loise, and the breathless sprint of Run Lola Run.

Paolo Rivero plays the role of Nilo Vergara, a brooding, ruggedly handsome mildly corrupt policeman who was discharged from service after being framed for a drug buy-bust operation. Janvier Daily plays Rhennan, his brother-in-law, a street bum in baggy cargo whose higher calling is to become the Michelangelo and Steve Wynn of spider fight gambling. Their fates are bonded interminably after a physical tussle with Paolo’s nagging, cheating wife, leading to her alleged accidental death.

Pursued by the shockingly efficient police force, they dodge arrest, sowing petty crimes, mayhem and murder in their wake, undoubtedly to honor the legacy of Andrew Cunanan. Complicating things, Janvier has a cute male stalker (Andrew Miguel) who follows their trail, blackmailing and ultimately assisting them in snatching purses. He has the hots for Janvier and has a sneaky agenda. To emphasize that this movie is thick on the gay slant he tries to score a fuck with both steamy leads and I don't blame him. Who wouldn’t?

Being on the lam drives the in-laws on the edge and the tension was so palpable that while hiding in a rundown hostel, they turned on the TV and beheld porn. Terribly tense and horny Paolo demanded a head job by pointing a gun on Janvier’s temple. The scene, though appeals to the fantasies of many, is somewhat droll. Excuse me, Paolo, but if you are THAT attractive, would it really be necessary to hold someone at gunpoint to score a blowjob? Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just show up at Manjam or PlanetRomeo grand eyeballs? When Paolo did the same stunt on the cute stalker rouge, I thought that gun-pointing for head-job is becoming a ridiculous trend. Paolo, in the future, should you need to get off, the gun would be superfluous. Why terrorize someone when you can have hundreds of much-willing fluffers just by wearing the movie’s police costume and spamming the blog postings of SGLover on the fetish forums of PinoyG4M.com?

To disclose the motivations of the two leads it is mandatory that they get caught. The interrogator was fun to watch because under the unflattering fluorescent lamp he is what would happen if Manoling Morato goes straight but is not quite ready to let go of his Lyna Face Cream.

One thing should be established: This movie is Javier Daily’s redemption. It is as if he studied the restraint of Julio Diaz in the recent indie outings and took notes while upping the ante by flashing his schlong so as to remind everyone that his new found acting maturity comes with a really big bonus. In the scene where he was given a bath by the obsessed stalker I can hear popcorn kernels dislodging the throats of excitable guys in the audience and many screaming types suppressed a wild shriek by sucking deeply on their oversize Slurpees. The pivotal confrontation scene between the husband and wife where he took a drastic move was so intense I now officially strip him of The Ice Cube statue I naively awarded him in Roxxxane. All this guy needs is good material and a capable director.

Needless to say I loved Bayaw. It is a wild romp of crime, mayhem and surprising tenderness. Paolo was a disheveled dreamboat who has the sturdy acting chops that prevents the whole material going downhill into cheesiness. The plot is neither ground-breaking nor very fresh but it sure is compelling. Monti Parungao’s direction was confident and the cast committed to hold the movie together by delivering more than respectable performances. It is the kind of escapism that is worthwhile to watch. Or imagine. In this vein let me say:

Brooding, ruggedly handsome single policemen out there, I can run and I have a sister.

16 comments:

ian said...

you can watch a movie and write a grand review but you can't (won't?) reply to text messages! grrr

haha

glad to know you haven't drowned in the floods.

all is well, i hope? or at least almost?

Tristan Tan said...

Nice to read you again. :)

loudcloud said...

ian - yeah one of those months when replying to text messages is tedious you just wanna sleep the cares away.

but you already know that :P

getting almost all right i think. hopefully things are back on track very soon. i hate being in a rut.

hope you are faring better!

Tristan: thankees! it's neat to know you still follow this abandoned blog :)

MisterHeuge said...

Aha! There you are!

I heard mostly negative comments about this movie so I didn't see it. So I'm a bit surprised you loved it. Hmm. Maybe you're getting a little soft now, LC? =P

loudcloud said...

MH!

i voted for you. too late for me to campaign?

for some bizarre reason i liked the movie. hehe.

or maybe it helped that the screening date coincided with bland competition?

you mean hiatus reduced me into a wuss, a mensch?

aiiie.

red the mod said...

time and circumstances have dealt such hard cards. nice to know you're back with the spontaneous witticisms and warped perspectives. i wanted to watch little boy big boy too, unfortunately work (and my bitch-ass of a boss) prevented me time to do so. i have a dvd copy of bangkok love story for over a month now but still couldn't find the time and place to watch it. privacy is a luxury i cannot afford these days.

you've been sorely missed sir.

loudcloud said...

thanks red!

blog about bangkok love story then! :)

Mac! said...

You are back!

Is the movie still showing? Hmmm...

Q The Conqueror said...

HONEY YOU'RE BAAACK!!!

*KICKS YOU IN THE NADS*
*HITS HEAD WITH FRYING PAN*

NagBurgos ka nanaman no! Next time sama mo ako. :P

loudcloud said...

mac! i saw in galleria electronic displays yesterday that it's still running. i'm not sure until when, better check their schedules online or call them to be sure :)

Q!you and your violent tendencies. hahaha. nah,you'll just throw up in burgos and embarrass everyone :P

Q The Conqueror said...

@Loud - I might have to go to that horrible place one of these day. X_X my boss says that I should be ready in case he needs to take a foreign client for a "night out" to "see the sights".

Ugh. Vaginas. Those yeasty fish-smelling things.

ian said...

mmm i've no time for self-pity; the country needs me mwahaha

glad you're *almost* back...

*rooting for you!*

MisterHeuge said...

Thanks for the vote. I think I have enough to ensure I don't end up last, which is my goal.

More posts! More! Moooar!

loudcloud said...

doc ian - go! quixote!

MH - welcome :) also, you're a bully! LOL

Anonymous said...

I agree with your comment on the movie, finally someone has regognized the acting capability of Janvier, he deserves it....love him and now you na rin :)...peace

loudcloud said...

why, thanks, janvier daily believer!