Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Junk Salad

Terribly lacking of better things to say I feel I must terminate April’s havoc with yet another mindless exercise in recycling. Recycling forgotten old entries, that is.

So be it that May sow better things. Meanwhile, crunch on these short junks from the past.

satan doesn't own a freezer
Created on: Dec 30 2005 @ 11:58 AM
not that i'm giving up, but trying to achieve a fun, shitless chat online is like rummaging around hell in an attempt to find an ice cube. yep, that's me. grand patron of skepticism.



the law of natural ejection
Created on: Jan 01 2006 @ 07:02 AM
wouldn't it be fun if someone asks "how was your new year?" and you reply "i have had fun time disposing of the bodies of people who annoyed me last year" matter-of-factly?

if they start running and shrieking towards the opposite direction you know you have eliminated a bore. if they give you discount coupons to rent
american psycho and hannibal you know it's a start of a beautiful friendship.



curve your enthusiasm
Created on: Dec 30 2005 @ 09:27 AM
exciting conversations online abound. consider the thrilling one i just had.

chatter: are you gay, straight, bi?
me: are you nuts?

silence. glacial silence.

it's safe to assume i can kiss the possibility of friendship goodbye.


venus is from hell

Created on: Dec 30 2005 @ 09:33 AM
women are desperately seeking for love. then they want brad pitt.


are you retarded?
Created on: Dec 30 2005 @ 11:42 AM
little did i know that the earlier entry on annoying conversation idler such as "are you straight, gay, bi?" would incite amused reactions from people. it only shows how rampant such situation is online. in the interest of unsolicited public service i am compiling a list of possible retorts to such question. when asked, you're armed with a deadpan ammunition.

annoying chatter: are you straight, gay, bi?
you:

  • i have genital warts/ebola.
  • i'm a mormon.
  • i'd be glad to answer that but i fear your head will burst.
  • is your mom a lesbo?
  • wanna see close up shots of hemorrhoids?
  • i'm positive for hepatitis/chlamydia/siphyllis/gonnorhea.
  • if i answer THAT will you buy avon products from me?
  • it is against my religious and moral principles to answer retarded inquiries.
  • *quote something from soddom and gommorah*
  • i know voodoo.
  • this is the fbi online surveillance task force and we're tracking your IP address.
  • do you have insurance yet? wanna buy a plan?
  • so! what's your view on cannibalism?
  • incest is a fascinating subject, isn't it?
  • let me describe my prostate examination to you.
  • can you be my downline?
  • have you found Jesus yet?

naturally you can bet your rump the conversation will screech into a grinding halt. which is swell, knowing you got rid of one shallow hormone-crazed chatter.


6 comments:

xienahgirl said...

i dont buy avon products
seriously,
maybe natasha products
but avon?
nah.
hahaha

i would like to see
that 2005 blog

url, now.

datu/the wilted prune said...

i think you had a pretty wonderful new year back then. >:)

Coldman said...

what's the problem of being a mormon?

jusst kidding. =)

amicus said...

the one about love and brad pitt is hilarious. lolz.
i'm a fan, as always.

Ester said...

embrace your past my friend .. sounds that you had fun.. Visiting you again loudcloud

mnel said...

ooohhh... yes. bad pritt! or at least someone who looks like him with all the moolahs of course. hehe.

such short but very fascinating entries. hahaha.