Thursday, November 1, 2007

A Month Of Non-Sequitors

November officially arrives boiling over with promise of terrific possibilities. A hasty prediction of my work schedule tells me I won't be blogging rabidly as last month. During these update lapses I'd rummage through one of my early glorious failings at concise blogging. This is when I had a laughable idea that writing in lowercase is the coolest thing since sliced bread. I have forgotten about this alternate (writing) self and idleness prompted me to sift through its cobwebbed beams. All the entries are hysterically insane. And no, I wasn't inhaling prohibited substances at the time I wrote them. This will be a series of non-sequitor-like entries until I've exhausted all the long-forgotten blog. Recycling is not limited to the environment; in blogging it conceals your utter lack of nothing to say.


natural bummed rebel
Created on: Jan 01 2006 @ 11:04 AM

what's more unsettling than hellish boredom? bizarre horoscope predictions, that is. parking in (website name) and idly reading the inane exchanges ever known to online chat i half-consciously hit a link which led me to this odd snippet of astrological forecast
:Aquarius. January 01, 2006 > Relationships are a wonderful surprise, whether they come along for platonic, professional or romantic reasons. Someone new, unusual and quite rebellious -- your absolute favorite -- is probably the type of person you should expect. As usual, by the way, running into this person under a highly unusual situation is also what you should expect -- and of course, this will make the encounter even more appealing to you. The heavens obviously arranged for you two to meet. i won't call it heavenly arrangement. i'd call it cosmic meddling.


pit stop
Created on: Jan 01 2006 @ 11:22 AM

sometimes i wonder if there is an immediate cure for sudden inexplicable blues. you know you've hit the basement when nothing interests you enough to make an effort at rising from consentual lethargy. some cheerful-beyond-belief folks may helpfully offer a multiple option of porn, a high-calorie dessert, funny flicks or a warm fuzzy hug. thanks, but i'd take a practical fix: a quick slap.if life is a freaking bowl of cherries, can anyone explain what in hell are we doing in the pits?



brewing murder in our hearts
Created on: Jan 03 2006 @ 07:58 AM

it always happen. whenever i am lining up to pay for something, there's always someone ahead of me that triggers my homicidal tendencies.


this time it's a woman monopolizing the entire starbucks counter. the line behind her keeps getting longer but she couldn't possibly care because she didn't have the courtesy to glance back and check out if she's being an irresponsible wart.

every second seemed like it's high time for my long overdue violent public rampage.

first it took her fifty years to decide whether chocolote cake is good for her butt, which from an objective stand point, is already approaching planetary dimensions. then her semi-retarded son took another fifty fears to decide which flavor of frappuccino to slurp. people were groaning behind her and some were rolling their eyes, exchanging pained looks with each other.

our collective pain didn't end up yet. she rummaged inside her bag for the misplaced coupon stub to claim for her planner (twenty years), tried to locate her credit card (thirty years), decided to pay for cash instead and counted her folded/crumpled bills (100 years). at this point we all felt cannibalism would be appropriate.

just as the counterclerk was punching and totalling her order, three more kids rushed in and argued amongst themselves which item to add up. the whole process was repeated (one thousand years). aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

people glared and fired death rays at her neck, which was useless because she didn't glance back to check if her butt grew another fifty pounds just by inhaling next to a doughnut. as the three hyperactive kids finally settled for an order, her daughter rushed in with an order for her dad and the nanny. we were telekenitically ordering the counterclerk to lace her drink with cyanide through telepathy. genocide's would have been more appropriate and i keep kicking myself for neglecting to bring my uzi.


the cure! the cure!
Created on: Jan 07 2006 @ 11:57 AM

this entry is another lame excuse to get past paralyzing boredom. i would have downloaded smut, but boredom shreds even the boorish interest in sleaze. come to think of it. there's cure to depression, tacky sex diseases, psychosis, but never boredom.maybe is hould start knitting sweatshirts out of dental floss.



willy wanka and the smut factory
Created on: Jan 07 2006 @ 12:14 PM

steamy classy nudes. literate hardcore sex stories. tease-to-the-hilt art direction.
arena magazine's (back issue with ewan mcgreggor/hayden christensen alternate star wars covers) dirty thoughts supplement rocks! hard. literally and figuratively.


welcome to cynical county. population: me
Created on: Jan 08 2006 @ 10:38 AM

for one stunning moment i am rendered speechless. i know this is not quite a common condition for me. i always have reason to moan about. more so in the presence of disgusting cuteness, saccharine sentimentality, and perverse optimism. so it bothers me. it bothers me that i totally enjoyed the
chronicles of narnia.it bothers me that i allow myself to be charmed out of my socks.on top of it it bothers me to realize there is such a thing as rare species of (website name population) who make sense. who can carry their end of the conversation.give me skepticism anyday and i'll be obliged to embody it. give me a radical twist from my expectations and i reel.give me a few moments to steady myself. it's a bit cold in here i need to adjust.


foul redundancies
Created on: Jan 08 2006 @ 11:02 AM

given the rapid succession of disappointments it makes one wonder why human nature wouldn't just give up. see, sometimes, you allow yourself a little indulgence. a little hope, if you must. that daunting possibility that somewhere in the madness and boredom of daily struggles you'd fall into an accident that is something...nice. then you fall flat in your face. the embarrassment, the self-loathing, the assigning of blame, the humiliation, the excruciating stabs of hurt, the shame. then the rigorous process of self-inflicted torture commence before the numbness sets in.then you wake up the next day and follow the exact same routine.when or where do you stop?is stopping a form of wimping out?is quixotic pursuit a romantic thing and sensible walking out of the game a form of cruel self-sabotage?and how come, it all it takes is one gentle smile to wipe out all pain ever known?no one seems to have a presence of mind to do the accounting.there is no justice in the world.



comical wisdom
Created on: Jan 08 2006 @ 11:10 AM

remember that
calvin and hobbes strip? the one where the little raccoon died? it occured to me that even in the lowest moment there is humor.absurd but alarmingly true.


half a chance of a snowball in hell
Created on: Jan 09 2006 @ 11:17 AM

life has a nasty habit of shortchanging you. it has a wicked sense of humor. it will never be apologetic when toying with your grand aspirations. it is cruel. it is democratic.grit your teeth, heave a sigh of defeat. or opt to battle the hopeless odds with sisyphean determination. most annoying of all is a sure fact: when you're aggrieved there will be no open counter for reimbursements.



shallow marshmallow
Created on: Jan 09 2006 @ 11:40 AM

someone pointed out that i'm quite intimidating. i'm prone to disagree but then again it would ruin the whole weeding out process. friendships are not measured in numbers. it is measured in laughter. there will be other required virtues, but i'd pick laughter as a comfortable point of reference.

2 comments:

datu, the wilted prune. said...

This is when I had a laughable idea that writing in lowercase is the coolest thing since sliced bread.

boy am i just as guilty :))! poor old hag's kids. i wonder if they're even aware of their hungrier counterparts in africa?...

loudcloud said...

datu - lol! you and your skeptical streaks!