Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Raging Rambutans

Rant time around here, LoudCloud voyeurs and before you scroll down I suggest you inhale copious amounts of sedatives. This will make you resist crafting combative, snarky retorts or similar indignant attempt to prove your elevated intelligence and more enlightened grasp on everything. It will all be futile, to put it rather dismissively. Because you and I know that your righteous fury will slide off like scandal flung upon Ruffa Gutierrez’s Botoxed face. Now that we have established that all dissenting opinions or livid responses will be summarily ignored we can proceed on this week’s bullets of bile.

  • 01. Who was THE brilliant spark who enthroned Apples Aberin Sadhwani as foremost authority of Philippine fashion? Every time she opens her vocal orifice I brace myself for something ignorant or idiotic to gush out and she consistently never disappoints. It’s plain to anyone with a total of ten brain cells that in terms of fashion knowledge, taste levels, and keenness to grasp new ideas she’s five notches below an atrophied starfish. Her understanding of fashion is comparable to reading the nutritional data of a stale box of Rice-A-Roni. Her judging skills can be compared to that of a comatose weasel and let’s not get started on how she farts through her mouth the most inane, recycled comments she stayed up late to memorize from the US version of Project Runway. Invariably her critiques can be summed up by the following general categories “You have to step up,” “I’m confused by your design/dress/ideas,” “I don’t like it” and “I’d rather be home masturbating with dynamites than feign trying to understand your rags but this show will give me free clothes and a Ponds endorsement so I might as well get comfortable regurgitating the most bland lines since Maid In Manhattan.” (Ok, I made that last one up.)
  • 02. Why is Senator Villar so hell-bent to wipe out pornography? Is he denying the fact that people have hormones and would rather safely enjoy the pleasures of simulated sex in the privacy of their homes instead of going out on a maniacal sexual rampage? Is this part of his moralistic agenda to clone Chris Tiu? Is he bidding for instant canonization? Who appointed him as the High Lord of Morality who saw it fit to sanitize the world because we are all incapable of mature, responsible sexual behavior? Piss off, senator. Censorship has no place in a generation who has seen everything from Britney Spears shaved vagina to headline featuring Clinton getting a head job. This generation is much smarter than your fossilized stance for saintliness. Suggestion: censor your mismanagement of public trust and public resources. That is much more obscene than Jenna Jameson screwing appreciative dudes. (Thanks EfBee for inspiring this rant. Hehe.)
  • 03. Why is Cristy Fermin such a dilated labia? And why is ABS-CBN cheering her by still allowing her to infect the airwaves with her stink?
  • 04. Why am I being wrathful? Did I miss my valium fix?

11 comments:

Q The Conqueror said...

You're just horny.

Obviously, you need to be T/HERE.

Now, scoot your ass and get laid. With Cristy Fermin, preferably.

Misterhubs said...

1. All that botox must've gotten into her bloodstream.

2. Publicity stunt.

3. That's an insult to all dilated labias in the world.

4. I agree with Q. Hehe.

Lance said...

wapak!
..nosebleed..

Mugen said...

I heard there's an O-party happening T/HERE tonight.

Hehe.

2. Distraction.

SC_Ocelot said...

Commerce-wise I think Villar's move attempts to stamp out competition. Maybe he owns a string of prostitute bars or something...

That or he can't...
compete with the actors in the movie he saw....
his wife watching...
with another woman....
because it was gay porn...haha!^^

ArchieMD said...

Dx:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder - don't know what to say, don't know what she really is.

2. Histrionic Personality Disorder - love me! love me! im your next president.

3. Post-Menopausal Depression - dilated and dry... because of too much hairspray in the bush.

4. You want a dose of Valium?

Mac! said...

Christie Fermin is ABS-CBN's contribution to championing Filipino, the language. Why does she talk like that? She always sounds like she's doing balagtasan while dishing showbiz junk.

KRIS JASPER said...

Cristy Fermin's the Witch who gave Snow White that deadly apple centuries ago.

She's a waste of airspace.

ian said...

i love cristy fermin =]

the nomad said...

i've totally incinerated my rss reader of all the blogs i'm following, but it's never a dull day when i visit yours.

please have a book published. you and misterhubs deserve to be on the NYT Best Seller list. =)

loudcloud said...

the nomad - thanks for wandering in here again! misterhubs' book will be a bestseller while mine would languish in the remainders bin hahaha. thanks for the vote of confidence, though :-)