Monday, December 3, 2007

Freud Is Fucked And So Are We

Dispensing sensible advice is not my barrel of beer. Despite this glaring handicap people still insist on hurling their troubled selves on my demented couch, with the misguided impression that I can be of any help. The fools. Consider the following YahooChat transcript which underscores my shameless lack of skill in helping a friend in the grips of emotional and moral dilemma. Yet another proof that if Psychiatry is up to me, humanity is beyond help.

Some Male Bee: The One I'm Dating
Some Male Bee: *sigh*
loud cloud: what's wrong with the one you're dating?
Some Male Bee: well... he drinks and smokes a tad too much
Some Male Bee: kaya kong sakyan initially
Some Male Bee: pero it seems... just too much
Some Male Bee: tapos parang wala kaming in common
Some Male Bee: hindi nya masyado nasi-stimulate utak ko
Some Male Bee: i mean, i'm reduced to staring at him
Some Male Bee: initially in sheer admiration
Some Male Bee: then later... parang... ho-hum conversations na lang about himself...
Some Male Bee: i tried i think
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: i listened to music he liked
loud cloud: wjich is?
Some Male Bee: read books he liked
Some Male Bee: (cynthia alexander nga)
Some Male Bee: tapos yung medyo big deal talaga sa akin is
Some Male Bee: he doesn't go to church
Some Male Bee: parang sa akin, non-negotiable yun
loud cloud: why?
Some Male Bee: but i tried for at least a month
Some Male Bee: gusto ko yung partner ko
Some Male Bee: can share in the joys of my life in Christ
Some Male Bee: i'd like to journey with him to heaven
Some Male Bee: ganung tipo
loud cloud: arent u imposing too much?
Some Male Bee: hence my dilemma
loud cloud: isnt he free to choose his religious preference in as much as you are free to remain a faithful catholic?
Some Male Bee: it's like you, enjoying your life in the city
Some Male Bee: tapos you try to make it work with someone who prefers batanes
loud cloud: LOL
Some Male Bee: parang ganun ka disparate (is there a word?)
loud cloud: i think so
loud cloud: i didnt work it out with anyone who prefers batanes
loud cloud: *smileyface*
loud cloud: my choice is urban life
loud cloud: thats it
loud cloud: anyone is free to explore somewhere else
loud cloud: i dont impose my beliefs and life choices on others
loud cloud: in the same way i expect others to respect my choices
Some Male Bee: it's not that i'm imposing it
Some Male Bee: i tested the waters kung kaya ko ipag-work
Some Male Bee: apparently i'm not cool with it- that he sees church as a superfluous activity
loud cloud: whoa
Some Male Bee: is there a word
Some Male Bee: you know- the usual comment- God is everywhere so i dont need no church or priest to minister to me and mediate between me and my God
loud cloud: that is his belief
Some Male Bee: and i have my own
loud cloud: if you don't agree with it, you either gently educate him or ditcvh him
Some Male Bee: and hindi ko masakyan yun
Some Male Bee: ayun na nga
Some Male Bee: plus di ko ma-take yung drinking and smoking
Some Male Bee: i'm no clean-living person myself
Some Male Bee: pero... he would ask permission if he can smoke
Some Male Bee: if i say no, he'd smoke anyway
Some Male Bee: one time we declared a no-smoking day
Some Male Bee: before i knew it, pugon na sila ng mga kaibigan nya
Some Male Bee: the worse thing is, i even broke my own don't smoke and don't drink and drive rule
Some Male Bee: haaaaay
Some Male Bee: God, He threw me another curve-ball haha
loud cloud: is it a test?
Some Male Bee: sorry?
loud cloud: i mean is he meant to be a test?
Some Male Bee: mmm
Some Male Bee: i don't think so
Some Male Bee: i prayed for him in earnest, i think
loud cloud: you get frustrated because you're inclined to change him
loud cloud: people dont want to change especially if they are told so
loud cloud: they change at their own volition
Some Male Bee: i'm frustrated because i thought he'd be better
loud cloud: or when they see a valid point in another's arguments
Some Male Bee: i mean, he seemed better
loud cloud: you're judging him
Some Male Bee: better than others
Some Male Bee: waaaaaaa
Some Male Bee: i dunno
loud cloud: people have flaws no matter how better they seem
Some Male Bee: oo naman @ flaws
loud cloud: besides he may be thinking that you're a fundamentalist religious nut
loud cloud: but he deals with it
loud cloud: how come you cant return the courtesy?
Some Male Bee: (now YOU're judging me)
loud cloud: i am not
loud cloud: its a likelihood
Some Male Bee: mmm
Some Male Bee: let's just say
Some Male Bee: i have preferences
Some Male Bee: and he doesn't have them
Some Male Bee: i tried to deal with the absence
Some Male Bee: but i'm not happy
loud cloud: well what's the point then?
loud cloud: its either you want it or not
Some Male Bee: you know you try to make lists of qualities you want in a person
loud cloud: no point hanging on to something that makes you miserable
Some Male Bee: but you end up somehow choosing the one without any
Some Male Bee: i tried
Some Male Bee: haaay
loud cloud: you know you try to make lists of qualities "you want" in a person
loud cloud: you see
loud cloud: you want him to be someone else he's not
loud cloud: he cannot change merely to satisfy your expectations
Some Male Bee: no... there's no aim to change him
Some Male Bee: there's an initial list
Some Male Bee: at least i do
Some Male Bee: i don't go into relationships feeling all pygmaliony
loud cloud: maybe he's a challenge for you and you're looking at him like a burden
loud cloud: hehe
Some Male Bee: i'm old, *insert my first name's initial here*
loud cloud: so?
loud cloud: everyone's old
loud cloud: regardless of age
loud cloud: it's people who choose to be childish
loud cloud: or child-like
loud cloud: there's a huge difference
loud cloud: you always put that nonsense pressure upon yourself
loud cloud: 'im getting old, i gotta move fast'
loud cloud: and then end up frustrated
Some Male Bee: it's not the speed
Some Male Bee: it's more of... quality?
Some Male Bee: but yeah
Some Male Bee: in my haste
Some Male Bee: i may be
loud cloud: dont be
loud cloud: despair will lead you to muddied choices
Some Male Bee: gloog gloog gloog
loud cloud: see people insane choices because they have this odd thing that without anyone they're incomplete
loud cloud: it's always nice to have someone
loud cloud: but being with someone and be miserable is nothing much different than being alone and miserable
loud cloud: so why add up to the headaches
loud cloud: and all the bullshit
Some Male Bee: i know!
Some Male Bee: i've been perfectly fine for almost three years
loud cloud: then the 'im growing old' panic hits
Some Male Bee: i have so many things to juggle as it is
loud cloud: it's the quicksand thing
loud cloud: the more you struggle the more you sink
Some Male Bee: the more i flail...
loud cloud: float
loud cloud: free yourself of unwanted self-defeating baggages
loud cloud: so what if you're single
loud cloud: that gives you license to mess around without guilt
Some Male Bee: exactly! if you've read some past entries, ang motto ko ay SINGLE BUT NOT UNHAPPY
loud cloud: instead of feeling trapped all the time
Some Male Bee: lol@mess around
loud cloud: come on
loud cloud: you CAN mess around
loud cloud: you and your guilts
Some Male Bee: hahahahahahahahaha
loud cloud: you're being hard on yourself
loud cloud: God didnt annoint you to be a saint, so you might as well be human
loud cloud: failing gives him a chance to save you
Some Male Bee: (not yet anyway hahahahahaha)
loud cloud: lol
loud cloud: that's a warped dogma
loud cloud: ignore that one
loud cloud: hahahaha
Some Male Bee: well...
Some Male Bee: hahahaha
loud cloud: i mean come on
Some Male Bee: somebody read the Sunday school materials in a different light
loud cloud: your goal is holiness and you deny your humanity?
Some Male Bee: um, yes?
loud cloud: if God didn't want you to sin, he should have made you into a cactus
loud cloud: or a seaweed
Some Male Bee: who told you cacti dont sin
loud cloud: you are human, and you stumble
loud cloud: well no one asked the opinion of the cacti
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: (i jest, go on)
loud cloud: so i speak on cacti behalf
loud cloud: im the honorary cacti spokesperson
loud cloud: *insert wink emoticon*
Some Male Bee: rotlf
loud cloud: i mean come on
Some Male Bee: if that's not the height of arrogance, i dunno what is... speaking on behalf of another species... hahahahaha
Some Male Bee: hahahah shush. i dismissed the idea of 'the one' long ago.
loud cloud: the one is a concept that binds us to unthinkable grief
loud cloud: it's the 'as good as it gets' syndrome
loud cloud: you always have expectations and ideals, but what if the one who comes along is as good as it gets?
loud cloud: watch that movie again
loud cloud: it's finding romance in the most horrible circumstances and the most unlovable people
loud cloud: i better stop before i sound like i swallowed Dr Phil
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: man.
Some Male Bee: i hate you.
Some Male Bee: hahaha
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: especially when you seem correct
loud cloud: i am always correct, i know it
Some Male Bee: Sith Lord That You Are
loud cloud: "i used to be conceited, but now i'm perfect" remember?
loud cloud: LOL
Some Male Bee: and i'm down with the flu
Some Male Bee: dagnamit
loud cloud: now that's the greatest irony
loud cloud: a health buff getting ill
loud cloud: there is no god
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: is separation from him enough for me to get sick...
loud cloud: i'm kidding. notice that i spelled god with lowercase
loud cloud: "Some Male Bee: is separation from him enough for me to get sick..."<--God you're dripping with syrup
Some Male Bee: good. you still type. lightning hasnt struck
loud cloud: stop while youre ahead
loud cloud: God has a sense of humor
loud cloud: otherwise why did He create people with purple gums?
Some Male Bee: hahahaha
loud cloud: so i think He can handle a few wink wink nudge nudge jabs from pith humans
loud cloud: pithy
Some Male Bee: haaaaaaay Lord
loud cloud: did you tell him about your problem with his attitude?
Some Male Bee: uhm... not yet...
loud cloud: gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
loud cloud: and now you're whining in private
Some Male Bee: hyeah...
loud cloud: while he goes about with his merry habits ignorant of your utter exasperation
loud cloud: whose fault is that?
loud cloud: he's not a telepath you know
Some Male Bee: he believes he has the gift
loud cloud: yeah, and I'm the messiah
Some Male Bee: perish the thought
loud cloud: spoilsport
Some Male Bee: i'll talk to him...
loud cloud: you should
loud cloud: ugh
Some Male Bee: face to face?
Some Male Bee: or okay na sa phone?
Some Male Bee: or YM?
loud cloud: whichever as long as you tell him of your brewing annoyances
Some Male Bee: mas sanay akong dumpee kesa dumper haha
loud cloud: better in person
loud cloud: and do it with empathy and gentleness
loud cloud: youre good at it
loud cloud: im always straightforward so i'll never be a UN Secretary General anytime soon
Some Male Bee: ugh. you don't know me at all haha
loud cloud: which is good. i can judge you and cite ignorance
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: next world was averted! whew
Some Male Bee: war
loud cloud: yeah, wiseguy
loud cloud: there will be a war between you if you dont tell him off
loud cloud: he's merrily puffing camels while you punch atomic warheads in your head
loud cloud: and your head explodes
loud cloud: while he continue on smoking in peace
Some Male Bee: sige
Some Male Bee: ultimatum
Some Male Bee: if he doesnt get in touch with me
Some Male Bee: until wednesday
Some Male Bee: yun na
loud cloud: dont give threats!
loud cloud: ugh
loud cloud: the last thing people need is to be threatened
loud cloud: all the more they'd do contrary things out of spite
Some Male Bee: for my self lang yun
loud cloud: god
Some Male Bee: internal counter lang yun
loud cloud: you and your internal conflicts
Some Male Bee: kasi ikaw e. pinatulan mo pa hahaha
loud cloud: what you need is a good kick in the face
loud cloud: you are infuriating
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: maybe i do
Some Male Bee: haaaaaay
Some Male Bee: alam mo yun
Some Male Bee: pag nasa STATE na ito ako
loud cloud: maybe i should cut and paste this in the blog
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: nagugulo talaga yung mundo ko
Some Male Bee: lekat! leave my name out hahahahaha
Some Male Bee: the world is at peace, you are at war. with yourself
loud cloud: and you wanted him to be at war with you
loud cloud: so you'd have an excuse that you're being normal
loud cloud: nobody is normal
loud cloud: everyone's fucked
loud cloud: no matter how composed they seem
loud cloud: so lighten up and celebrate that crazy streak
loud cloud: and have fun
loud cloud: Ok, now i sound like i swallowed Oprah
loud cloud: AND martha stewart
loud cloud: im hopeless
Some Male Bee: wait sisinga lang ako
loud cloud: lol
loud cloud: too much info
Some Male Bee: hahahaha
loud cloud: especially now that im eating mango flavored selecta ice cream
loud cloud: yum
Some Male Bee: i think too much
Some Male Bee: i over-analyze things
loud cloud: you over process things
Some Male Bee: over-romaticized stuff
loud cloud: *rollseyes*
loud cloud: romance like time is relative
Some Male Bee: incestuous?
loud cloud: some people find masochism romantic
loud cloud: relative as in arbitrary!
loud cloud: your brains are getting corroded with all this romantic mush you're stuffing your head with
Some Male Bee: why can't i be lead-brained
Some Male Bee: why can't i be lead-hearted
Some Male Bee: an automaton
Some Male Bee: i-work-i-eat-i-sleep
loud cloud: why don't you just bang your head in asphalt and spare the world of these silly questions?
Some Male Bee: why do i look like *insert name of matinee idol here* in my mind's eye
loud cloud: (mental note: leave the *insert name of matinee idol here* giveaway clue in the blog posting)
Some Male Bee: shaddap
loud cloud: why do you strive to look like that boring twat?
loud cloud: ugh
Some Male Bee: OMG. i just saw beowulf...
loud cloud: where is your self-esteem?!
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: nanginig yung laman ko kay angelina jolie
loud cloud: she's wank material, yeah
Some Male Bee: she stirred long asleep feelings
Some Male Bee: aaaaaaaaaaargh
Some Male Bee: damn that woman hahahahahaha
loud cloud: oh god, here we go with horny sophomore talk
Some Male Bee: emerging from the frigging water... gold-tinged... bosoms to be smothered with... ayayayay
Some Male Bee: hahahahah
loud cloud: it's CGI
loud cloud: she never looked so three-dimensional since Girl, Interrupted
Some Male Bee: no wonder beowulf couldnt resist her hahahahaha
loud cloud: no wonder the movie made money. there are lotsa horny toads out there
Some Male Bee: sorry i'm so loopy
loud cloud: sorry i'm so crabby
loud cloud: lol
Some Male Bee: hop-hop-hop-hop
Some Male Bee: hahahaha
loud cloud: gotta go
loud cloud: you are boring me to bits
loud cloud: LOL
loud cloud: nah
loud cloud: you are not
Some Male Bee: haha
Some Male Bee: gnyt
loud cloud: i just said that to check on your self-esteem
loud cloud: and your touchy feely tendencies
Some Male Bee: gotta rest as well.
Some Male Bee: lol@touchyfeely
Some Male Bee: I AM NOT
Some Male Bee: hahahahahahaha
loud cloud: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Some Male Bee: hahahahahahahahahaha
loud cloud: NOT my spleen
Some Male Bee: eh kasi na-feature ako sa *insert name of a broadsheet*- sinopla mo ko
loud cloud: anyway id post this in the blog
Some Male Bee: hahahahahaha
loud cloud: i'll put NOT Sam Milby as handle
loud cloud: LOL
Some Male Bee: Sam Maybe
loud cloud: better
Some Male Bee: i'd like to see my name as such
loud cloud: gross
Some Male Bee: and you'd be... Lolit Cloudit
Some Male Bee: or something
loud cloud: LOL
loud cloud: LOL
loud cloud: nasty name
loud cloud: i like it
loud cloud: i better go before i cough my pleura out
Some Male Bee: When Sam Maybe Meets Lolit Cloudit
loud cloud: aiiie
loud cloud: you are hideous
Some Male Bee: (of course that is NOT possible)
loud cloud: i gotta go before i get contaminated
Some Male Bee: oh why don't you smile my only star
Some Male Bee: 'shine on me
Some Male Bee: shine my only star
loud cloud: shaddap
loud cloud: bye
Some Male Bee: shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine my only star
Some Male Bee: babay
loud cloud: ill post this in a bit
Some Male Bee: guess who played doctor today? =]
loud cloud: bye

And guess who'll receive the exorbitant bill today?


love bites said...

Loud Cloud,

Do you still want to be reviewed? Let us know.

loudcloud said...

love bites - since i am deeply masochistic, by all means tear the blog apart! :-)

Some Male Bee said...

well, well, well, well... what do we?

the dialogue is more or less complete...

i still haven't spoken to him though...

XienahGirL said...

"i dont impose my beliefs and life choices on others"

i like this line
its stuck in my head already.

loudcloud said...

some male bee - you're a wuss. go away! haha.

loudcloud said...

xienahgirl - it's kind of sentiment that usually escapes the preachy holier than thou types. hehe

BoobooStrider said...

LOL! you gotta love this post. I was just chatting with my friend and was trying to churn all his shitty advice. i should have come to you! You should change your name to Dr. Cloud- Dr. Phil's assist.

And lots of quotable quotes here too:

loud cloud: God didnt annoint you to be a saint, so you might as well be human

---> makes sense!

loud cloud: the one is a concept that binds us to unthinkable grief
loud cloud: it's the 'as good as it gets' syndrome
loud cloud: you always have expectations and ideals, but what if the one who comes along is as good as it gets?

---> oohhhhhhhh!

loud cloud: "i used to be conceited, but now i'm perfect

----> perfect for all EXes

loudcloud said...

booboostrider! happy new year! well, don't encourage my insanity if you want humanity to have faith in psychiatry! hehe