Power Failure Part Deux

Competitions hammer unspeakable tremors of dread in my heart.

Not because I am a wuss. Far from it, as a matter of fact: I am an aggressively bloodthirsty person. See me at work and you’d have a clear idea of what a grotesque mutation would be like if you splice a famished shark, a swarm of piranhas, Anna Wintour, Barry Diller and Michael Ovitz. Contests precipitate such anxiety because I always never gain popular defense. Also, my altitude of conceit makes potential friendly voters dash toward the one-way exit muttering foul oaths. This is a handicap I do not bother concealing because I am a stubborn freak. This also makes me hugely unpopular. So it’s not really a massive shock that I suffer defeat on my second nomination for the Filipino Blogger Of The Week.

This, of course, makes me glum.

Sometimes I find myself with a half-wish to radiate the winsome charm of Joy Joy, the smart surgical wit of Misterhubs, the riotous entertainment glee of Ade, The Noisy, Noisy Man or the sensible optimism of Ian. This is what I know: I am critically warped and it would be a mortal offense to channel another person’s unique qualities and slide into a how-to civilian kind mentality - something I am not inclined to subscribe to. Yet I somehow find a strange streak of unexpected ache to win something and salvage this insane blog from downright obscurity.

I figured it’s high time I retool my cyberimage if I wish to inspire mass support, slavering adulation and people of all persuasions throwing themselves at me like mindlessly-possessed hormonally-crazed penguins. Not to worry. I’ve come up with a few strategies to change my blog’s bearing to attract a rabid legion of cyberpolling thralls:

• 01. Dismiss my anomalous fixation for blue and in a seven hundred twenty degree turn overhaul this page into a superdelicious concoction of pastels, soft hues and candy-colored girly patterns! Yes! This will be my cybermagnet to have girls and guys who are actually girls to vote for me! Branding wisdom has it that when you get the girls and gay demographics you practically own the entire spectrum of marketing! And add Hello Kitty pictures! It never fails!


• 02. Litter my blog with scandal clips, erogenous, titillating images of pretty man-boys in various states of undress! Occasionally I’ll toss in a tit pic of Jessica Alba, Salma Hayek and Scarlett Johansson so as not to alienate the random fundamentalistic heteros who may wander in!


• 03. Recycle jokes and publicly profess respect for Boy Abunda!


• 04. Become a linkslut! Exchange links and open friendster and myspace accounts and bribe potential voters of graphic, unprintable sexual favors!


• 05. Recycle jokes and publicly profess respect for Boy Abunda! No, wait! I’ve already said that!


• 06. When all else fails, beg and grovel shamelessly!
  

On to the next round!

~ ~ ~

Congratulations James for acing the cyberpoll!

Thank you Joy Joy and Toni for the relentless campaign!

Thank you Talksmart for the second round. And the third!

Much thanks to everyone who voted with special shout for the unidentified lovely folks who voted me to the No. 2 spot!