Freakazoid Grabs The Laurels

Pin your ears back if you must but I feel I must issue this disclosure: I am as stunned as you are! You see I am a Natural Born Loser. I never win anything if the basis of the competition is popularity. I’ll tell you why: I am a highly-opinionated skunk and as you can glean from my previous blog entries there is an opaque likelihood that I will ever be awarded the Mister Congeniality sash anytime soon. Or at all. I have inborn talent for offending pleasant, mild-mannered, touchy folks and I do it with such glee that instantly ranks me up there with Howard Stern in terms of obnoxiousness.

So it came as a shock that I aced the Filipino Blog Of The Week cyberpoll for Week 74. Before that I lost the first nomination, and then to advance my humiliation, I lost the second nomination, too!

How did this sudden winning happen? And why am I writing about it belatedly? (Dirty word: work. Hellish weeks at work.) Shouldn’t I just shut my trap and start gloating around in the same violent delight manifested by Stalin when he got all of Europe in the nuts? (No, but I'd gloat anyway!)

First question is still a mystery. One probable explanation is that majority of cybervoters, having had a steady diet of bland ‘how my day went’ entries, suddenly developed the kind of masochism associated with papercuts and started fingering their way through Merriam Webster’s hollowed leaves. Could be. But I’m a skeptical lot, so my most logical explanation is the manifestation of the screaming color pink in my blog. And of course, there’s my threat of posting Hello Kitty pics to augment my chances in generating more votes.

The idea of multiple Hello Kitties proved to be an effective mode of mental torture and just the mere thought of such rampant evil induced many alert voters to block this initiative by clicking to catapult my blog into the leading front.

All throughout the voting period I am greatly indebted to the furious campaign raid of Toni, Joy Joy and the charming folks in my blogroll who each grudgingly voted under stern threat of bodily harm. I am also in deep gratitude to random voters who, for inexplicable logic, voted for me as well!

Thank you very much!

And to The Composed Gentleman, who upon learning that I’m learning voodoo, made a wise decision to fast-track my deification to the grandest Hall Of Fame before strange lesions start sprouting in areas too embarrassing to describe.

Thank you Eric! (Please continue supporting the fresh crop of weekly nominees and if you want your blog to be in the roster of nominees leave a tag at The Composed Gentleman’s site.)

Finally, THANK YOU to The Academy, my mom, my dad, most ESPECIALLY to MY PARENTS, for all the tuba/banduria lessons when I was six!!!

Now, you ask: Where is this going to lead you? What good will it bring to the general blogging populace? Now that you have achieved open support for your unbridled Narcissism will you (cue Gollum’s voice here) go away and NEVERRRR COME BACK!

Ha ha!

Whew! You’ve got a fine sense of humor, folks.

Now that I am glowing with the patina of newly-vested prestige of a Hall Of Famer I will abuse my power! I now have the clout to buy anyone! Fame! Fortune! Friends! I will blog more!

While you’re gritting your teeth I’m finishing the final stitches of my Hello Kitty Voodoo Doll!

Bwahahahahahaha!