The Great Blogjesters Bonanza

Humor is cocaine only legal. Addictive, entertaining, way much cheaper than therapy and in the face of all the madness in the world makes life sufferable. Which brings me to the sole purpose of this drivel: The Laffapalooza Blog Award—a genius spark of Badoodles aka Kwentong Barbero to elevate humor into the ferocity level of both the Olympic Games and the race for The Oval Office. You get the gist.

Before I slap my support badge to my nominated bloggers’ foreheads allow me to thank Coldman who accidentally nominated my blog for this feral blogging bonanza. I have high regard for Coldman and his blog; I digress there everyday. But the whole idea of nominating my warped blog to headbutt with the local blogosphere’s heavy-hitters made me cast clouds of doubts on his sanity. My blog is five light years from being funny. What I pass off as humor infuriates the hell out of people. Coldman, I admire you, but whatever you were smoking I don’t want some! Haha. Seriously, it’s a sweet gesture that should not remain unappreciated. Thank you.

But I encourage you, despite Coldman’s heart-warming confidence in me, NOT to vote for Loud Cloud but for the following more deserving contenders. They live up to the essence of a true humor blog. They are so good they should be illegal. They should come with a three hundred points neon Helvetica health hazard warning: DON’T READ THESE BLOGS WHILE EATING POLVORON!

01 Chiksilog. – Sassy, deadpan, a blogging kitten who is a genetic splice of Jessica Rabbit, Catwoman, Sarah Silverman and the tranny manicurist in your neighborhood beauty parlor who happen to own Uma Thurman’s samurai in Kill Bill. Choosing to blog in Tagalog makes her humor all the more piquant, with more flavors and textures than Chowking’s Halo Halo Special. Don’t annoy her.

02 Misterhubs – If you want to steer clear of paralyzing lawsuits don’t, under any circumstances, allow this guy to write captions/reviews for fashion, society page royalettes and celebrity sections! Though a live TV talkshow should be in order. This legal urbanite knows no sacred cow: from turds, to chocnuts, from eyeballing hijinks to meaningful relationships, this guy delivers a smart brand of warped humor with more twists than Bob Marley’s dreadlocks. The annoying thing is he gets away with dissecting even the most revolting topic with breezy abandon and still illicit convulsions from random readers.

03 Noisy Noisy Man – One of Life’s Greatest Mysteries is: Why is this blogger not plied from his current job to write movie scripts and TV sitcoms we would rush home to watch? A comic star in his own right he has a legion of rabid fans who devour his madcap tales covering anything and everything under the thick smog blanketing the metropolis. And beyond. Self-deprecating, riotous, his insights are often warped but cuts like a surgeon’s scalpel in areas not intended to be sliced but emerge from it in appreciative howls of laughter.

04 Coldman and 05The Balloon Dream – At risk of being a member of Mutual Masturbation Society, I nominate them because they share an almost common quality: their brand of humor is not only hilariously wacky, but they come across as the guys who are genuinely pleasant to swap snappy slapsticks with. They look at things in slightly off-kilter way which makes everything hilarious and witty. In a parallel universe they are the less neurotic Jimmy Fallon who will make geriatric grandmothers moist in areas where the sun doesn’t shine.

Since the rule has it that I break the tie, I have no choice but remove the following from my nomination list:

Cofibean – The High Lord Cavendish Of Sarcasm. With his coniotic-speak, God’s-Gift-To-Humankind demeanor, Snooty caliber of brutal humor, here is the hardboiled hilarity which is inimitable in its self-possessed nuttiness. He regularly skewers the blogosphere and reap tsunamis of ire from service oriented industry professionals who he fondly refers to as ‘natives’ on a generous day and ‘orcs’ when he misses his valium fix.

Again, vote for the abovementioned people. Ignore my blog. Have the highest honors and accolades to their rightful winners. I’d rather bribe Badoodles with ten tequila shots to rig the cash prize raffle in my favor. A reasonable trade, if you ask me, because like most responsible citizens I am a committed proponent of fairness.