Tuesday, January 15, 2008

That Word. Yes, THAT word.

Dear E. Funny things swim in my head these days, chief among them is the possibility of me growing up, sweeping this languid brooding over things long gone, and maybe, just maybe, finally look at the brighter side and begin contemplating on the possibility of that dreaded four letter word.

I would like to be defenseless again. To subject myself to the spontaneous bursts of naive affection, to slam all the self-defeating switches down and face a germinating fondness head on. There are brief, lazy moments during the day when I catch myself thinking how it is to once more smolder in the unblinking gaze of pure gentleness. That was many moons ago, and I seem to have forgotten the tiny raptures of fingertips gliding the distance of a back of a neck towards the slow-moving rhythms of a thrusting hips, where, for a moment, they hesitate there, before starting to retrace their path and map the expanse of a rising and falling spine.

I miss midnight’s tender geometries: hands wrapped around the torso, concise kisses dotting pectorals and busts, legs anchored around waist, or two bodies recreating the concaves of soup bowls stacked sideways in quiet kitchen drawers.

I have almost forgotten how to glance at wall clocks impatiently, in blazing anticipation of after-work reunions over crustaceans, pasta, bubbly chuckles, bartering unhurried retelling of even the most mundane non-events of the day.

I want to be reminded that I am capable of spoiling someone to bits. To agonize over morning departures as I glance back in bed and there is loveliness purring softly, lost in the infinity of dreams and downy sleep.

I am aware that just by flirting with this silly notion, I am sealing my doom; that I will be treading a treacherous path, and even my greatest hopefulness will be prey to devastation and unspeakable grief.

I exhale, contemplating the sweet rewards of the L word, finding the courage to outpace gnawing hesitations and let my soaring expectations unravel with the January breeze.

Yours, Loudcloud, slightly intoxicated with possibilities, wide eyed, half-smiling.

* (LOVE, painting by Robert Indiana, 1973)


XienahGirL said...

uh oh.

legs anchored
around waistlines?

i should say that is
very imaginative.
i have thought of that
but the idea
never came out
through words.

spoiling someone to bits?
familiar, very familiar.

maybe you should
drink muriatic acid.

loudcloud said...

xienah! - i typed this entry in between breaks at work but changed it because you are right: waistlines? hahaha. what was i thinking?

maybe i should gargle on muriatic acid, LOLZ. or zap the sentimental sap by watching Kill Bill in slow motion. hmmmm, now that i think about it...

igno said...

I like the painting. Some chinese guy (wait.. chinese nga ba?) made a sculpture like that entitled - "appreciate art"

Connection? (nasa palaisdaan ata) hehe.. Nice Loud! You just painted THAT word tastefully.. :D

loudcloud said...

igno the infamous LOVE painting was originally painted by Robert Indiana in 1973 as a postage stamp (would you believe it?) hehe. then it became so famous it was re appropriated as huge steel sculptures everywhere.

thanks for the vote of confidence. i fear i mangled the word with my hurried, clumsy, thoughtless entry. worse, with my dorky writing, i made the word radioactive for starry-eyed people out there. hehe.

then again, this is MY blog, and they can all go plunge their head in uranium compound...

kidding ;-P


"two bodies recreating the concaves of soup bowls stacked sideways in quiet kitchen drawers"

What a lovely metaphor!

loudcloud said...

why thank you, misterhubs :-)

datu, the wilted prune. said...

maybe i should start writing about L--that again soon, don't you think? I WISH. ;p

Boyd said...

"two bodies recreating the concaves of soup bowls stacked sideways in quiet kitchen drawers"

What a lovely metaphor!

- i second emotion. i mean, i second the motion.

you have an eye for art and a gift for words. i'm sure you've a heart for love :p but jeez, this entry is one for the pulitzer!

loudcloud said...

datu! by all means, blog your L thoughts away! haha.

loudcloud said...

boyd! whoawow! thanks for the faith but i'm afraid the Pulitzers is a scary thought to entertain ;-)